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what eva tsunaka does to a mf

i cant believe i typed paragraphs upon paragraphs analyzing this character and explaining why she would not kill anyone, only for her to kill somebody in the first fucking chapter i cannot believe it. auuughhhh my shayla............. i fucking miss wolfgang too. i cannot believe this is the outcome. im clutching wenona tightly to me rn. nothing better happen to her next chapter istg. ISTG.... im so sad guys im so sadd.

i really do love her character writing, it's rare i see such a complex and fleshed out first culprit in these kinds of games, and especially rare to see such an extensive exploration of how bullying and isolation can cause dysfunctionally. so often we see a perfect victim in fiction and yet eva is so nuanced. even though she is clearly a capable person who is arrogant in her abilities, she's not confident in her self-actualization. her previous experiences with social isolation and bullying had implanted in her self-sabotaging habits and both a searing superiority complex AND victim complex, one where she deserves sooo much yet cannot possibly grow because something is always in the way. where no matter if someone is nice to her, she comes up with a reason why they really aren't. she tries to be intimidating, she lies and isolates herself, and then chastises the others when they're mean to her after the "mathlete" reveal, when in reality, the shock of the lie is what caused their distrust, not her talent itself. nobody would have given a fuck if she'd just been genuine from the start AND YET SHE DOESN'T REALIZE THIS. she does all of these mental gymnastics and self-sabotaging because she EXPECTS hatred as a DEFAULT- she doesn't give herself a chance to even TRY. it was only FOUR DAYS into the killing game yet it was already far too much for her. it's easier for her to antagonize herself, to kill, because she EXPECTS no way out. the tragedy of her death is that she did it to herself. it's sad that her life wasn't easy, it's sad that she never got a chance to grow, it's sad that the others were at fault for antagonizing her, and it's sad that she is also at fault for how she ended up as a culprit.

I FUCKING MISS HERRR I MISS HER SO MUCH

crazy happenings in this viewing experience: i got wrongly spoiled TWICE. i accidentally scrolled down into the comments section of the daily life video and in the corner of my vision, i saw a comment tht said: "it makes sense that W[...] was the first one to die" and i only saw the letter "W" and was SO SO pissed off because i thought i'd been spoiled and that WENONA was gonna die. in my rage i forgot that wolfgang existed. so when the body reveal cinematic happened, i was SO SHOCKED. FLABBERGASTED OUT OF MY MIND THAT IT WAS WOLFGANG FUCKING AKIRE. i had to scream and pace around my room, i cant describe the emotion i felt in that moment. considering his behavior in the prologue, i expected him to die the LEAST out of all the cast. top 10 fangan moments. im still so so giddy over this twist.

AND THEN- YEAH? AND THEN? i was scrolling on twitter and saw an unspoilered video of diana's speech"- AND I THOUGHT THAT DIANA KILLED WOLFGANG AND THAT SPEECH WAS HER CONFESSION. but NO. when she was built up as a red herring during the trial, i thought it was already over- that's it- she killed him. AND THEN IT CONTINUED FOR ANOTHER 4 HOURS. AND EVA WAS THE REAL KILLER. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKK.......... THE MOST INSANE WHIPLASH OF EMOTIONS DURING A SINGLE FANGAN CHAPTER I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED. I WISH I'D LIVE-BLOGGED IT.

it's really interesting how vastly my opinions on wolfgang flipped from ch0 to ch1 lol. i thought he was rly charming and interesting up until he crashed out at the mock trial and then suddenly i lost all interest. this line of thinking continued until he died in ch1 and the shock of his death suddenly made me love him again. and then when the flashback happened and we saw him disheveled stumbling and sobbing he shot up like 3 ranks higher in the tier list LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

jokes aside, i unironically adore his character. a hook has been cast. even though his backstory has already been implied thru his FTEs and envelope, i feel like there is still much complexity to him that hasn't yet been revealed. i think he's a fascinating character. his inclination to be morally correct in order to chase the legacy of his mother, despite having (what i think is) the temper of his father? UGH IT'S PEAK. i feel so very sad for him. the way both him, eva, AND damon all share the same complicated struggle of diluted self-image and the need to prove themselves. somebody hold me back im about to CRASH OUT. the three of them deserved to live and work out their differences and all be buddies man IM GONNA CRASH OUT.

i think damon is SUCH a refreshing MC, how despite the subversion of having an "asshole MC" that he isn't edgy or one-note at all.

his identity is directly intertwined with being a debater- it's his ace and his defining quality which he wants others to see him for soooo BAD. he's spent so long trying to prove himself that when he encounters those with non-academic talents, it makes sense he'd be dismissive and rude, which, bummer. but when someone DOES come along with accolades that align with his standards he is SOOO fucking intimated LOLLL. he clearly is capable of respect and admiration yet his ego often gets in the way. he thinks he's being cool and stoic and confident and yet EVERYBODY CLOCKS HIM as NOT that, IT'S SO FUNNY. toshiko gives him a cute nickname, ingrid babies him, cassidy pokes fun at him, kai looks to him for safety. HE'S SUCH A DORK LOLL. i think he's very interesting and i enjoy the dichotomy he brings, where despite his rudeness, it never comes across as "too much" imo. i actually find it really easy to root for him

it's very easy to say that killing off wolfgang and eva is "wasted potential" - for like a week after my watchthrough i thought the exact same thing. i watched thru both the prologue and ch1 again recently though and it kinda made me realize that a lottt of that perceived potential was me trying to see FAR too much into the future. i was aware of the meta - of the DR format and i EXPECTED wolfgang and eva to be the designated rival and ally. it felt like all the conflict that was built up for 2 chapters, establishing cornerstones of conflicts thought to be overarching, had just been discarded and slammed closed in my face. now tho, i think that this feeling is nowhere the fault of the writing or narrative setup - it's simply cuz the i knew the DR format. while it makes sense to be disappointed by the outcome, these twists it weren't as cruel and door-slam-y as i initially perceived. and the longer i think about it, the more it makes me unbearably curious what the crew will do for ch2. i'll admit i don't like the idea of diana as an antagonist to damon, and i hope that she'll grow on me more. it's too simple really, but i know not to underestimate the writers so i'll hold the rest of my thoughts.

OK. narrative decisions aside... who are my OTHER favorite characters because my OG favorites just fucking killed each other? i think right now, it goes: (1) damon, (2) ulysses, (2) wenona

ooughhhhhh i reaaaaaally like ulysses. despite him being one of the more gimmick-y characters imo, i think all of his little oddities combined makes him a very endearing yet fascinating character. like. goodness gracious i love this insomniac conspiratorial chronically ill forgetful history nerd. i truly wish his FTEs were more interesting, it was only until the final 2 that we finally got something opinionated - i want to know more about his fear of death and his conspiracies about the world nearing collapse. as a historian, surly he is hyper-aware of old patterns reeling their heads - how does this play into how he uses his ultimate? how desperately he stays diligent in his work at the cost of his health? ughhhhhhhhh i initially didn't like him all that much but ch1 made me grow on him sooo much.

as for wenona, i have always loved confident, wry, self-assured women characters. there is something about the businesswoman archetype as well that just gets me so giddy. i loved reading through wenona's FTEs, she has such an interesting and engaging life and listening to her walk thru her past decisions and how she views her clan is so curious. especially considering her imitation/echo arts, i wonder if she betrayed them in some way? it's VERY likely that she's a much worse person than we've seen so far (also considering "unions" is one of her dislikes LOL) and i cannot WAIT to see what the team does with her and i. i actually can't take it man i want to see more of her AUUUGHHH I WANNA KNOW MORE. it's kILLING ME LET ME INNN LET ME INNN.

additionally, given that wenona is sharing ulysses' spot as my current favorite (u cant make me choose), i am naturally a ulywen shipper ahaha~ *GETS SHOT* *GETS SHOT* *GETS SHOT* *GETS SHOT* *GETS SHOT*

here is my general character ranking

ok that's it, good bye

at the start, i felt very "meh" about it, and that feeling persisted all thru the trial UNTIL the final 2 episodes. then it all clicked and i felt like all of that buildup was WORTH IT. I GET IT NOWW. that was the best ending to a trial i've ever seen for a fangan - the only other one that is even comparable to this feeling of utter horror i felt is the ending to SDRA2 ch.5...... i know there was a lot of divisive discussion about who would've been the better blackened for trial 2 among the final 2 contenders, but the way this trial concluded has me convinced this is how it had to be. i loved this outcome and felt the execution was both fitting and surprisingly respectful. like. way to address a character's core flaw and challenge it so intensely. i still don't understand or like david though. shocker. i felt a little confused when he suddenly became a fan-favorite after his mask slipped this chapter. he still has a lot to answer for, and the fact that a lot of viewers started hearing him out cuz he pulled this "i suddenly care about xander now" thing is.... i don't know. i'm aware he knows what teruko's REAL secret is and that's partly why he started to defend xander: cuz he knows something now.. but i still can't find myself liking him or being interested in him, after all of his escalations and manipulations i think he's just over-the-top. idk idk i might just need to rewatch ch.2 again.

also i literally just realized this but like. is monoTV's default-setting voice fucking teruko's voice. dawg......

(10-16-24) just read SCP-8980 and it is SUCH an engaging and unnerving dissection of systematic abuse. not even a thirds of the way in and I could TELL where the author probably pulled their inspo from in their real life and it is just awfully realistic and dreadful. the story is packed with such gravity, makes you feel such anger and leaves you endlessly dissatisfied and empty. the amnesiac scene. fucking hell. tldr; what the complete eradication of self-autonomy and identity does to a mf. i feel a connection to this one like no other.

everything's better on the second run. my favorite thing about this game is how complex and layered all of the characters feel, despite the relatively short runtime and the jittery non-linear storytelling, i felt like i'd known them for much longer. all of my feelings boil down to "holy shit i feel awful for everyone involved." except that one guy ofc. i didn't necessarily feel horror or fear, just an overarching feeling of disbelief that keept getting stacked and stacked. very compelling story.

i want to write a much longer dissection and analysis of this mod because WOW. it has been so long since i've become THIS fixated on a story before. i wasn't aware that the mod would "get darker" - i just went into it thinking it was a comedy mod and was THRILLED and completely captivated when it began its heel turn. i know some people were turned off by it, but i thought the shift in tone enhanced what came before it and marked an iconic sort of uniqueness away from any other mod. i don't think it was as dark as others have described: there is, i think, fitting amounts of consequence and fitting amounts hope granted to the main 3.

i do think that a lot of the worldbuilding could have been condensed. the gift, the mothers, manos, the wishes-- it is so very difficult to understand on 1st playthrough. while it does give replays a lot more value, there is the extra dilemma of the lore documents saying things that are so out of nowhere and destructive to the dark world we thought we knew... that i really fail to understand why they were included. i 100% get there is a bigger picture, and also a hyper-specific vision that the author has. i can try to grasp it as much as i want but i don't think i'll ever be able to get all of it. ig the mystery is the fun of it, but tbh i find more fun and value out of creating my own interpretations rather than trying to decipher existing lore. that's not a completely bad thing btw.

bc despite the deeeeeper story being inaccessible imo, the fact that the author still managed to create a world so vibrant and engaging and characters you want to root for no matter what... a world that even if not understandable, i STILL want to engage with on my own terms? that is a VERY GOOD thing. it's rly hard for a complex story to not be boring, and this one certainly isn't. there's a also lot of mixed opinions i have about the ambiguity of control for everyone effected by manos and what it even means. but i wanna save that for another time.

TLDR; i love the story and characters, but everything deeper than surface level makes my head spin and i feel like ignoring canon sometimes LOL.

the story is written in a way where both leads' words and actions are completely understandable and it's just kind of devastating to see anyways. the fact that this is (I THINK) based off of the author's own experience as a former cadet makes the reading of this even more scary and worth dissecting. there is just a looming atmosphere of sinking, of quiet waiting that always leaves you on edge. the very scratchy and texture-filled artwork helps with this immensely, man i fuckn adore the artwork. one of the more interesting comics i've read in a while.

(9-27-24) watched “come and see” last night bc I saw a video essay praising its cinematography and I just ended up depressed instead. much to think about. movies about the ruining of innocence and loss of humanity i love you. i actually can’t stop thinking about it and NOT in a good way