♦MICROBLOG | 2024

at the start, i felt very "meh" about it, and that feeling persisted all thru the trial UNTIL the final 2 episodes. then it all clicked and i felt like all of that buildup was WORTH IT. I GET IT NOWW. that was the best ending to a trial i've ever seen for a fangan - the only other one that is even comparable to this feeling of utter horror i felt is the ending to SDRA2 ch.5...... i know there was a lot of divisive discussion about who would've been the better blackened for trial 2 among the final 2 contenders, but the way this trial concluded has me convinced this is how it had to be. i loved this outcome and felt the execution was both fitting and surprisingly respectful. like. way to address a character's core flaw and challenge it so intensely. i still don't understand or like david though. shocker. i felt a little confused when he suddenly became a fan-favorite after his mask slipped this chapter. he still has a lot to answer for, and the fact that a lot of viewers started hearing him out cuz he pulled this "i suddenly care about xander now" thing is.... i don't know. i'm aware he knows what teruko's REAL secret is and that's partly why he started to defend xander: cuz he knows something now.. but i still can't find myself liking him or being interested in him, after all of his escalations and manipulations i think he's just over-the-top. idk idk i might just need to rewatch ch.2 again.

also i literally just realized this but like. is monoTV's default-setting voice fucking teruko's voice. dawg......

(10-16-24) just read SCP-8980 and it is SUCH an engaging and unnerving dissection of systematic abuse. not even a thirds of the way in and I could TELL where the author probably pulled their inspo from in their real life and it is just awfully relatable and dreadful. the story is packed with such gravity, makes you feel such anger and leaves you endlessly dissatisfied and empty. the amnesiac scene. fucking hell. tldr; what the complete eradication of autonomy and identity does to a mf. i feel a connection to this one like no other.

everything's better on the second run. my favorite thing about this game is how complex and layered all of the characters feel, despite the relatively short runtime and the jittery non-linear storytelling, i felt like i'd known them for much longer. all of my feelings boil down to "holy shit i feel awful for everyone involved." except that one guy ofc. i didn't necessarily feel horror or fear, just an overarching feeling of disbelief that kept getting stacked and stacked. very compelling story.

i want to write a much longer dissection and analysis of this mod because WOW. it has been so long since i've become THIS fixated on a story before. i wasn't aware that the mod would "get darker" - i just went into it thinking it was a comedy mod and was THRILLED and completely captivated when it began its heel turn. i know some people were turned off by it, but i thought the shift in tone enhanced what came before it and marked an iconic sort of uniqueness away from any other mod. i don't think it was as dark as others have described: there is, i think, fitting amounts of consequence and fitting amounts hope granted to the main 3.

i do think that a lot of the worldbuilding could have been condensed. the gift, the mothers, manos, the wishes-- it is so very difficult to understand on 1st playthrough. while it does give replays a lot more value, there is the extra dilemma of the lore documents saying things that are so out of nowhere and destructive to the dark world we thought we knew... that i really fail to understand why they were included. i 100% get there is a bigger picture and also a hyper-specific vision that the author has. i can try to grasp it as much as i want but i don't think i'll ever be able to get all of it. ig the mystery is the fun of it, but tbh i find more fun and value out of creating my own headcanons rather than trying to decipher existing lore. that's not a completely bad thing btw.

because despite the deeper story being inaccessible imo, the fact that the author still managed to create a world so vibrant and engaging, and characters you want to root for no matter what, and a world that even if not understandable, i STILL want to engage with on my own terms? that is a VERY GOOD thing. it's rly hard for a complex story to not be boring, and this one certainly isn't. there's a also lot of mixed opinions i have about the ambiguity of control for everyone effected by manos and what it even means. but i wanna save that for another time.

TLDR; i ADORE the story and characters, but at times anything deeper than surface level makes my head spin LOL.

the story is written in a way where both leads' words and actions are completely understandable and it's just kind of devastating to see anyways. there is just a looming atmosphere of sinking, of quiet waiting that always leaves you on edge. the very scratchy and texture-filled artwork helps with this immensely, man i fuckn adore the artwork. one of the more interesting comics i've read in a while.

(9-27-24) watched “come and see” last night bc I saw a video essay praising its cinematography and I just ended up depressed instead. much to think about. movies about the ruining of innocence and loss of humanity i love you. i actually can’t stop thinking about it and NOT in a good way

i feel so bad for seawatt in season 2, he was the victim of a conflict between his leaders that neither him or his people were ever going to survive. the system that he had trusted left him with nothing, and in the end, he is the only one burdened with this knowledge as the sole survivor of his civilization. he sees everybody around him worshipping this status quo that he alone knows is screwed and yet he falls in line and uses it to serve himself nonetheless. his new false power leaves him detached, living in luxury. he may as well have stayed like that forever... until one day, some naïve bozo comes along and finally has the nerve to change the status quo... and does. but seawatt doesn't see evbo in a light of hope, instead, only a tool to avenge what he'd lost- his one chance to finally overthrow this system which has done him so wrong. so, he tricks evbo into freeing the man parkour civilization feared most. but despite his efforts anyways, seawatt dies. the user becomes the used, and as thanks for freeing him, the parkour villain kills him. nothing had changed- he died as collateral to the problems of champions, the same as the rest of the 5th layer all those years ago. and in the end, evbo will escape and defeat the villain, save parkour civilization... but there is NO mention of the 5th layer in the ending sequence at all - the 5th layer presumably remains hidden and it's unknown if seawatt's people see any justice

there is something to be said as well, as to how easily it is for the elites to rewrite history on a whim. neither the parkour villain or the old man face repercussions for what they've done - they simply get the peace of death. it's arguable that the old man regretted sealing off the 5th layer/killing everyone, but it was such a drastic measure to keep just ONE person away. if your control over a populous is so fickle that you have to erase an entire civilization to keep its knowledge under your power, then you were not a good leader to begin with. perhaps this is why the old man falls into the void after giving evbo the key in the 1st season, maybe its why he hides the fact he's close to death when evbo becomes champion... he feels so much guilt that he doesn't even want a place in parkour civilization- he knows he doesn't deserve it. yet still, he keeps all of his actions a secret from the NEW champion who HE guided to power until he was on his deathbed. evbo had to discover it all himself, which not only hurt him but the rest of parkciv by leaving their leader clueless and prime to be manipulated... which seawatt and the parkour villain take advantage of. if the old man hadn't been a coward then maybe the parkour villain wouldn't have even been freed again, maybe even MORE people wouldn't have needed to die for his mistakes.

one thing i don't necessarily like abt season 2 is the fact much of the good guys' actions were justified under the guise of "there was no other way" because the parkour villain was simply an even bigger bad that needed to be contained. it is still a very entertaining movie though and i did enjoy watching it. but imo season 1 is an S-tier and season 2 is a B-tier. PVP civilization is on my watchlist.